The Person Behind the Smile

If you know me, you’ll probably know me as someone who is always smiling, having a laugh, planning my next holiday, taking photos, making something creative or just getting on with life.

But what people don’t always see is what happens behind that smile.

I’ve worked in retail for over 19 years. That’s a huge part of my life. I’ve grown up while working, met some amazing people and made friendships that I will always be grateful for. I’ve had good days, difficult days and days where I’ve walked into work carrying things in my head that nobody around me knew anything about.

I’ve smiled at customers when I’ve wanted to cry.

I’ve said “I’m fine” when really I wasn’t.

I’ve finished shifts when mentally I felt completely exhausted.

And I’ve gone home, shut the door and finally allowed myself to feel everything I’d been holding in all day.

I think that’s something I’ve become very good at — carrying on.

Then Covid Happened

Covid was one of the hardest chapters.

Being a key worker meant that while so much of the world stopped, I still had to go to work.

There was fear, uncertainty and so much change happening around us. I couldn’t see family and friends in the way I normally would, and like so many people, my mental health took a hit.

But I kept going.

Zoom parties, phone calls with friends and those little moments of connection became incredibly important to me.

And then there was my creativity.

When the card shops were closed, I started making more cards myself. Something I’d always enjoyed suddenly became something that helped me escape from everything happening around me.

Every card I made gave my mind something else to concentrate on.

Creativity became more than just a hobby.

It helped me through.

And I’ll always be grateful to everyone who supported me and bought one of my cards during that time.

Life After University

University was another massive chapter of my life.

I studied something I genuinely loved — promotional design and visual merchandising. Graduating was an achievement I’ll always be proud of.

But nobody really prepares you for what happens afterwards.

You leave university thinking you’ve got to suddenly have your whole life figured out.

I didn’t.

And, if I’m truthful, I still don’t.

I’ve learnt that life isn’t one straight road.

There have been unexpected turns, difficult moments, brilliant memories and times when I’ve wondered what I’m actually doing.

But somewhere along the way, I’ve started realising something:

Maybe we’re not supposed to have everything figured out.

The Happy Photos Don’t Tell Everything

I absolutely love travelling.

Give me a holiday, my camera and people I love and I’m happy.

I’ve been lucky enough to make some amazing memories — girls’ holidays, birthdays away, Christmases, New Year’s antics, days out and those completely random moments with friends that somehow become the memories you treasure most.

I take loads of photos because I love capturing those moments.

But I’ve realised something about photographs.

A photograph captures a second.

It doesn’t always capture the whole story.

Someone can look incredibly happy in a picture and still be struggling with things nobody else can see.

I’ve been that person.

There have been times when I’ve been surrounded by people and still felt lost in my own thoughts.

Times when I’ve laughed with everyone else and then gone home and overthought everything.

Times when I’ve questioned whether I’m good enough.

Times when I’ve put everyone else’s feelings before my own.

And times when I’ve simply felt tired of being strong.

My Friends

One thing I will never take for granted is friendship.

I’m incredibly lucky to have people in my life who have been there through different chapters.

The people who make me laugh.

The people who listen to me moan.

The people who answer the phone.

The people who know from one look that I’m not quite myself.

And the people who have stayed.

You probably don’t realise how much you’ve helped me.

Sometimes you don’t need somebody to fix everything.

You just need somebody to sit beside you while you’re going through it.

So to my friends — thank you.

Thank you for the laughs, the holidays, the ridiculous memories, the messages, the nights out and the conversations nobody else hears.

Most importantly, thank you for being there.

And Then There’s Me

This is probably the bit I’m still learning.

I’ve spent years worrying about everyone else.

Are they okay?

Have I upset somebody?

Does somebody need me?

What can I do to help?

But I don’t always stop and ask:

Megan, are YOU okay?

Sometimes the answer is yes.

And sometimes the honest answer is no.

And I’m finally learning that saying no doesn’t mean I’ve failed.

It means I’m human.

I don’t always have to be smiling.

I don’t always have to be the strong one.

I don’t always have to turn up and pretend everything is okay.

I don’t have to feel guilty for needing a break.

So Today Is My Mental Health Day

Today isn’t about fixing my whole life.

It’s not about suddenly waking up tomorrow with everything sorted.

It’s simply about giving myself permission to stop.

Maybe I’ll go for a walk.

Maybe I’ll make something.

Maybe I’ll look through old photographs and remember how many amazing things I’ve experienced.

Maybe I’ll message a friend.

Maybe I’ll put my pyjamas on, watch something rubbish on TV and do absolutely nothing.

And that’s okay.

Because after more than 19 years of working, growing up, studying, graduating, surviving Covid, travelling, laughing, crying, creating and dealing with everything life has thrown at me, I’ve realised something I wish I’d learnt years ago:

I matter too.

Not the Megan at work.

Not the Megan who is trying to keep everybody happy.

Not the Megan smiling in the holiday photographs.

Just me.

The real person behind all of it.

I’m still here.

I’m still creating.

I’m still travelling.

I’m still making memories.

I’m still learning about myself.

And yes, sometimes I’m still struggling.

But I’m also still getting back up.

So today I’m choosing myself.

I’m giving my mind the rest it needs without feeling guilty about it.

And when tomorrow comes, I’ll get up, put that smile back on and face another day.

But hopefully it’ll be a slightly more genuine smile, because this time I remembered to look after the person behind it.

Me. 💚

One day at a time. One memory at a time. And on the difficult days, just remember how far you’ve already come.